omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Randomize
