So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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