Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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