If i come over, it means nothing
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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