U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
