we're chasing vodka with high fives
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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