Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
