3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
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I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
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He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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