thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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