I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
