i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
