I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
