we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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