How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
