after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
