I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
