You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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