I haven't been this sober since birth.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
