I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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