I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
