i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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