Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
