My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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