My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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