Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
