I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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