My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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