He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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