new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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