My girlfriend figured out who you are.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
