You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
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No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
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I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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