You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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