Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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