Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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