A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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