it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
