Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
