if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
