I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
