Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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