last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
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I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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