Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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