This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
how drunk are you?
Several
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
