The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We had to coat check the pizza.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
