I have demons in me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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