Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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