Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
