There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
