I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
