his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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