my soul wont recognize me after tonight
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
