could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
