You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
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Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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