No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
