I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
