You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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