He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
