i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
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I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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